After a whirlwind of a week, I am mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. As I drove home tonight from a social gathering, I thought to myself, "Weird. It feels like I don't even fit into my own life." I know that sounds dramatic, but it was seriously how I felt. More and more lately I find myself listening, observing, and wondering why it seems so... different.
I asked a friend if he ever felt the same way, and he mentioned that life isn't always what changes. This sparked the idea that my life ISN'T changing--I am.
I am certainly grateful for the changes, but the acceptance and adjustment is a struggle. A year ago, I saw myself on the path to a husband, kids, and a comfortable lifestyle with a nice paycheck. I wanted to be a part of the social group highly listed in my book. I learned, however, that when we place people or things on pedestals (other than Christ), we are inevitably disappointed.
"Do not turn to idols or make for yourselves any gods of cast metal: I am the Lord your God." Leviticus 19:4
"You shall not make idols for yourselves or erect an image or pillar, and you shall not set up a figured stone in your land to bow down to it, for I am the Lord your God." Leviticus 26:1
Now, I realize that I have not literally raised an idol made of metal, or a figured stone, but rather metaphorically. I have made these "picture perfect" outcomes my idols. The money, the big house, the large family, the loving [and ridiculously handsome] husband, the summer vacations, the friends at the high end of the social chain. These are all lies-of-happiness that have distracted me from my true purpose here on Earth. Don't get me wrong, these are all WONDERFUL things, and I am happy for those who are blessed to have such. But, when they become idols, they will surely perish. Jesus Christ is the one true constant, and should be my main focus of worship.
Back to my changing ways--- I have found myself struggling to recognize the girl involved with so numerous networks and activities (both good, and not so good) even just a year ago. But why would I want to? I should want to focus on the new me--the me that is growing daily in Christ!
"Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church." Ephesians 4:15
It was a relief to hear this from God, as I have been pretty darn bummed about growing apart from my friends. He has a different plan for my life (in contrast to my friends who are engaged/married/moving way for new opportunities). I need to stop thinking that I am being punished for something, and embrace the fact that He has something unique planned for my future.
This is one of my (if not my favorite) verses from the Bible, and I remind myself of this daily.
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'Plans not to harm you, but to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11
For those of you who feel lost right now, hang in there! Personally, I am so thankful He will never leave me nor forsake me. On evenings like this, it's incredible to know that I can run into His open arms...and guess what? You can too. Any time, any place, any situation--He is welcomes you with a comforting spirit.
Thanks for reading!